Where Art Thou, DAD?

As a child, I only had one playmate. And she is my cousin, a girl. I never had someone whom I could play bargasan with. I was always the one who makes her cry. And I don’t blame myself for that, I love it everytime she cries. Such a cry-baby. But it always got into me every after the crying and whining, that what I did was wrong. I don’t know, but I’m also the one who pacifies her. Maybe because I am afraid to be scolded by her Mom. Or it is just the guilt that makes my heart soften. Good times.

Actually, what I’m posting today is somewhat not really related to the introduction…

I am really getting tired hanging out with girls. I never had a chance to hang-out with the ones I have the same interest. And it really disturbs me that maybe someone would think that I am gay. Just because they always see me with girls. I don’t know. But, really it is THAT disturbing for me.

Last July 29, I celebrated my Birthday(July 17). I was really excited. ‘Coz I know for sure, my barkada would come. They promised me. But, I waited for hours until I decided not to wait for them anymore. All those who celebrated with me were girls. Yeah, It is fun. But I can’t help but think of the “What-Ifs”.

What if my barkada showed up, maybe my party would’ve become more fun. What if… what if…

You know, it’s not that I don’t treat those who come(Mei, Ja…etc.) as my barkada. Actually, they are more barkada to me than the other/s(?) I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.

*During in HS, I have 4 barkadas: (Famous)All-girls, (Not-so-famous)All-girls, (Nerdy)All-boys, and (Famous&Maloko)All-boys …the T.J. Barkada(Tropang J****).

But in the end, I thought maybe they don’t really treat me as a kabarkada. Maybe I’m just the one who keep on insisting that they are my barkada, you know what I mean? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

*Basketball is not my sport(‘Coz my Dad is so busy to teach me, until nagbinata na ako at mahirap ng matuto). But actually, I’m not really into sports(except Badminton). And DOTA is not my thing. It’s not that I hate it. But it would be more pleasurable for me to surf the net and to study HTML. Maybe I’m a Nerd… Geek?… I don’t know. But I don’t even read books. ha-ha. Maybe I’m a Boy-Next-Door type of guy… so mysterious. ha-ha. Girls drooling over me? Yeah baby! Crush ng Bayan pala ha? In my dreams…

I concluded that maybe it’s because my Dad is not there with me to teach the things I should know about manhood. Kaya I’m very thankful that at least the T.J. Barkada taught me those things. From *tooot* to *tooot*. ha-ha And they helped me to somehow come out of my shell. Just a li’l.